Hais..One word to describe how im feeling right now. Sad! I really dont understand, i dont understand why cant he just keep to the things he says. We quarrelled in the afternoon. He was supposed to take me along with him to Singapore Expo to watch something, but while i was putting on my make up, he asked me why i keep sticking to him, said i was troublesome and all. So i got angry and we quarrelled. I mean, which girl doesnt like to be with her bf all the time? I dun understand why all my fren`s bf always wanna be with them but not mine. All my sister`s are out with their boys..what about me? Stuck at home the whole day doing nothing. I was still so happy and thought of asking him to bring me out to dinner. Hah.. Forget it..im as good as saying im SINGLE but yet unavailable. He doesnt allow me to go out with my crush because she is always with boys. And the rest of my frens are spending their time with their boyfriends. Why did i say that he didnt keep to what he said? It is because when he left my house, i went to chase him because before he left, we sorta broke up. I sat down thinking how i would carry on with my life without him and realised i couldnt so i put down my fucking pride and went to chase him. He told me that he would come to find me later in the night or he would call me to go out and meet him when i didnt even ask him to and of cause i was happy. But now? He says that its too late and if he comes, he wouldnt be able to go home. I really dont understand. Whenever he is with his friends, no matter what time it is, if he misses his bus, he would just head to their house and spend the night there. But whenever he is with me, he must zhun zhun leave to catch the last bus, he would never be saying 'Aiya, nvm..i stay at your house'. Whenever he is with his friends, he doesnt like to go home but whenever he is with me, he always wanna go home. So what if me and him are together for so long? Long got use? NO IT DOESNT. Among me and my friends, me and him are tgt the longest, but yet, not a single bit loving. My friends all envy us for being together for so long..but i envy my friends because they are damn loving with their bfs.

While he told me he didnt wanna meet me anymore because he wants to go home, my heart immediatly broke. I should have known it already. I should not have even taken his words for real because the one that ends up rotting alone at home and crying like a crazy fuck is me. JUST ME ALONE. AND HE WOULD BE OUTSIDE ENJOYING HIMSELF. He called me and asked if i was sad.. i said NO, but aint he stupid or what? he couldnt even tell i was so damn heartbroken and sad. Whats the use of saying sorry to me so many times? It doesnt work on me anymore. If you wanna tell me something but yet you know you wouldnt be able to do it in the end, den dont. This way you can save your sorries and i can save my heart from breaking again. I was so fucking happy when you told me you were gonna find me later. When i msged you at ard 10+ and asked if you were still coming, you said yes, i was practically smiling to myself. Now? Im crying to myself. Im so fucking tired already. My fucking prelims are coming and its coming in about 1-2 weeks time and yet you wanna bring all these pain to me. I just wanna meet you more now so i can concentrate on my exams..why cant you just understand that? Hais.. fuck it. I just wish that my fucking heart can turn to stone so that i can be numb to everything and not care about a single fuck in this world.

Hais...